At times, when a loved one has died, we want to be in a place before this life changing loss happened just to feel that person in our life once again. I have heard these words in one form or another from many. When they have been asked, “what do you want” the answer is always, “I want them back”.
Yes, we all do wish and pray that this is not real. Early after a death, in the beginning of our grief, we even have periods of disbelief. I remember having so yearned that I would swear I saw Joe on the street or driving past me in a car. Have you had that experience?
It’s not easy to be in this present place without our loved one. But, the past is just that, our past and we are in the present, forever changed and, the future can be frightening. Many who are grieving oscillate between being stuck in the past and fearing the future and in the meantime just surviving the present, not remembering how they got from morning to nighttime.
I may have used the following quote before but I do feel that if after a death, one isn’t able to begin on the road to recovery and discovery, precious time is lost. We can forever keep the memories of the life we had with our loved ones, never to be forgotten and integrating the loss into our lives as we move forward to a new present.
If you think what you’ve always thought,
Then you’ll feel what you’ve always felt.
If you feel what you’ve always felt,
Then you’ll do what you’ve always done.
If you do what you’ve always done,
Then you’ll be what you’ve always been. –Anonymous
Change your experience of grief. If not now, when?
With the past, I have nothing to do, nor with the future. I live now. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
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