What Words Convey: Putting Grief in Perspective

I came across a blog post written by a young man, twenty at the time his father died after battling ALS. He openly spoke of his anger and the lack of understanding of others as he grieved until he met a friend whose father had died four years earlier. I wanted to share it with you.

The young man’s post relayed the confusion around the terminology we try to use to explain the grief we experience. He was trying to find ways to explain what he was experiencing: dealing with death, ways to cope with death, how to cope with grieving, or even more plain and simple: How to deal with life.

What this young man went on to post was his honest experience. He shared openly, without holding back (excuse the cuss words) and wrote what he felt about his and others grief and loss. Here are some of his words:

“Just let it all out. That means to say, just let all your emotions pour out. Cry, scream, punch, kick or talk crap. I don’t care. DO NOT repress your emotions. Bottling up your feelings is one of the worst things you can do to yourself, especially when something major like that happens to you in your life.
Don’t put up a front just cause you want to appear strong to this world or something. The world is the world. They cannot and will never understand what you go through in your own special life. So deal with it the way you want.
Realize you aren’t alone.

I have several friends who have suffered the same loss as I did. To me, I find it comforting to know that I am not alone in this f____ up world dealing with s___ like this. In fact, sometimes I seek solace in just KNOWING that I can talk to them anytime. Whoever you are, you may not have close ones who go through the same thing. But the main message here is this still: You aren’t alone.
Make a positive change in your life and help others.

A few days after my dad’s cremation, I went to meet some close friends. One of them said to me immediately, “Alden! Bro! Hey, my own dad passed away a few years ago. So if you need to talk to me about anything, and I mean ANYTHING, please do”. I was surprised cause I didn’t know his dad died of cancer. Of course I was very f_______thankful for that, as in him opening up to me.

With that, I decided that I can help others too, especially those who go through the same s_____. If you aim to help others in life; to spread some form of positiveness and pick others up in time of need, things can’t go wrong.”

© 2012 Audrey Pellicano. All Rights Reserved. Copying or reposting this content without written permission is strictly prohibited.
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2 comments on “What Words Convey: Putting Grief in Perspective

  1. How often have you heard the question, “How are you feeling?” and “How are you doing?” A lot of well-meaning folks think these are the same question; that the words “feeling” and “doing” are interchangeable. The best advice I ever heard is that the next time someone asks you “How are you feeling?” ask back (with a crooked grin): “You sure you meant my FEELINGS?” Then read their body language. If you get an awkward laugh, stay PC. If their face is dead serious, let it all pour out.

    • Thank you for commenting Nancy. Akin to the best advice you have heard, I would suggest restating the question back as in looking for clarity. “How are you feeling?” Response “How am I feeling?” They just may change the question!

      Be well,

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