Not everyone grieves in what would be the set societal norms. Not everyone cries, not everyone gets depressed. Many people move on and go back to work and family relationships without retreating to their own worlds. However, if a loss has interfered with your connecting to people, then the grief is prolonged.
According to Dr. George Bonanno professor of psychology at Harvard, “We need two things in life to work and to love — to accomplish things and to be close to other people. So regardless of one’s roles, whether they’re a housewife or a business executive, we have one of those two tasks to do. We have to be close to people, take care of people, or produce and be able to concentrate and be productive. If people can’t do those things, that’s a bad sign. People often feel like they’ve lost a part of themselves. If they can work, if they can be close to their children or friends or parents, they can still have other parts of themselves. When people really struggle, they’re unable to concentrate; they become distant and do not find much pleasure in the people that they are close to. This means that they are not doing well, and it tends to expand the loss in a way because it comes to be more than the loss of loved one. It becomes a loss of your life in a sense”.
One of the things people fear after a loss is experiencing another loss. No one wants to go through the pain again. Sadly, loss is part of life. If we can develop tools that will help us see our loss, accept that it is part of our life and then take action to maintain relationships with others and ourselves through healthy life style choices, we can build the confidence and control that is sometimes buried under our grief.
Please share your thoughts!