Make it Go Away: Imagining Life Beyond the Pain

Does any of this sound familiar?

  • I don’t want this pain
  • I don’t want this responsibility
  • I don’t want to face people
  • I don’t want to be single
  • I don’t want this kind of life!

These are just a few of the statements I hear from the widows I work with and I said these words myself 21 years ago! We didn’t make the choice to be widowed and now we don’t have the choice whether or not to take on the pain and everything else that the world and society present to us. It is overwhelming and pulling the covers over our heads may at times seem a better choice for survival. For the short term!

I remember so vividly turning to my counselor at the time (who was not a widow), and telling her that I could feel, actually FEEL and visualize my heart breaking in half. That was the first time in my life that I actually knew what it was to have a broken heart.

If I could see and feel this broken heart, what else could I see? Could I see my life happy again? Could I see myself strong once again? It was time to “SEE” for myself.

In my early morning meditation, before the children woke, I would sit down, breathing deeply, releasing (or trying to) any tension. Now came the real work in this process: how to get beyond the hurt and actually see myself happy with a whole heart? The saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it could take years to actualize but if we turn it around and say instead “I’ll see it when I believe it,” the results are something we can actually produce. Here we do have control, a choice. So I sit, using my skills of Imagery and ask myself what does living without the pain and loss look like? What do I see? I see the strong woman that I am, have been and choose to be. I’m physically strong, headstrong at times and determined. Yes, underlying is the widow, still with loss and sadness, but the image of strength feels so much better. I spend time with this image, embracing it, noticing the more I focus on it the more it grows so that over time the image becomes who I actually am.

  • I can live through the pain
  • I can handle the responsibilities one at a time
  • I can face people on my own terms
  • I can be content with being single
  • I can love life
© 2012 Audrey Pellicano. All Rights Reserved. Copying or reposting this content without written permission is strictly prohibited.
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2 comments on “Make it Go Away: Imagining Life Beyond the Pain

  1. Your advice is sound no matter what relationship you are grieving the loss of. Life is of an unknown length and we need to remind ourselves to live every moment of it. This includes going on and making the most of your life, even after suffering a great loss. Your loved one would want you to be happy and find joy and happiness in life

  2. Now “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”. Heb 11:1 The fact that we have “Faith” in it, suggests that it is real. “I will see it when I believe it,” is such a powerful and empowering statment. It is the first step in making something real. It puts us in control and gives us the power to “act on” (stuff, reality, life) rather than being acted on (by stuff, reality, life). For us, therefore, the mind is the seat of power.

    The Army Transportation Corps has a saying and that is “Nothing happens till something moves”. To a large extent and when it really matters, that is true in the army.

    When we are talking about people, it is literally possible to say that “Nothing happens till someone believes

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